


Hearts on Fire

by ongreenergrasses



Series: I walked out of the fire alive; how can that be? [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Everything is Beautiful but also hurts a little bit, Found Family, Gen, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Past Drug Use, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Slice of Life, Team as Family, my favorite tag is back guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ongreenergrasses/pseuds/ongreenergrasses
Summary: December 19 is almost always a bad day. This year, the annual nondenominational holiday exchange falls on that day, and Joe can't stop talking, and an important question slips out, and maybe now there will be more cause for celebration on this day next year.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: I walked out of the fire alive; how can that be? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141562
Comments: 19
Kudos: 81
Collections: The Old Guard Gift Exchange 2020





	Hearts on Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sholeh675 (Solange956)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solange956/gifts).



> for [ Sholeh675 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solange956/pseuds/Sholeh675/). my apologies for this coming right at the end of our gifting period - i hope you enjoy!

Nile’s apartment was their home base. For a while it had been just Joe and Nile living there, and then Joe and Booker and Nile, and then Joe and Quýnh and Booker and Nile, and then after that everyone had pulled themselves together and Booker had gotten his own place as part of his long journey to get custody of his sons, plus by that time Joe and Nicky had sort of gotten together enough that Joe really had wanted his own space and Nicky had an extra bedroom. So then Nile’s apartment had belonged to just Quýnh and Nile, and now at the end of the day, Quýnh and Andy were stronger in their relationship than ever and they had gotten what basically amounted to a closet for them to share, so the apartment was back to being just Nile’s.

Nicky didn’t really like having people in his space for a variety of reasons, and nobody else really had a suitable place to host a party for six grown adults, so Nile’s apartment was the location of the “Nondenominational Midwinter Holiday Extravaganza” according to Quýnh, the “Tolerable Christmas Party” according to Booker, the “Socialization With My Second Favorite Family” according to Nile. Joe had never been asked what he would call the party if it was up to him, but considering that only two of the invitees even observed Christmas, he privately kept it in his head as “the midwinter celebration that didn’t conflict with anyone’s churchgoing habits or other winter celebrations”.

It wasn’t snowing, which Joe privately was a little bit bummed about – he and cold weather had only a passing understanding and acquaintance, but he had started to like when it snowed in December.

Instead, though, the sidewalks were covered in black ice and it was windy. (It was horrible.) Joe kept a tight grip on Nicky’s elbow the entire walk to Nile’s apartment and cursed himself for not thinking to bring his cane.  
  
“Stop,” Nicky said, “I can hear you beating yourself up about not bringing Veronica.” Nicky called Joe’s cane ‘Veronica’ more than Joe himself did. His cane was named after Veronica Mars, in some inexplicably funny inside joke that Joe had since forgotten that was connected in some way to his last job. “I am happy to serve as her substitute.”  
  
“As if,” Joe scoffed. “You could never take her place.”  
  
Nicky was really fucking good at distracting him from being too maudlin, and he had also somehow managed to carry a dish full of pasta and two gifts in one hand as well as provide emotional and physical support for Joe. Joe constantly marveled at this man.  
  
“I love you,” he said instead of expressing all of this, mostly because he had just hit the intercom and Nile had buzzed them in, so they were short on time.  
  
Nicky smiled a little half smile and ducked his head, and Joe was so, so in love. “I love you too,” he said, and they were standing there sort of half grinning at each other like idiots when Quýnh opened the door and nearly bowled them both over before noticing the food and gifts in their hands and Joe’s general unsteadiness.  
  
“You both look so good!” she said diplomatically, which may or may not have been true, and then “oh, those smell amazing,” as she wrenched both casserole dishes from their hands, which was more sincere.  
  
“Welcome,” Andy said wryly from their perch on the couch’s arm. They were surrounded by a steadily growing ring of empty beer bottles. “Joe, you look terrible.”  
  
“Hmm,” Joe said, because it was difficult to respond to statements like that without mentioning how much pain he was in, and Quýnh ran back out of the kitchen just to punch Andy in the arm.  
  
“Ow!”  
  
“My love, you’re so rude to our guests!”

“This isn’t even our house!”  
  
“I’ve felt better,” Joe said, dropping heavily onto the couch next to Andy. Nicky gave him a final parting kiss on the temple and then disappeared out of his line of sight, probably to set up the dining room table.

Joe leaned over for a moment, rested his head on Andy’s thigh. He felt their hand come to rest on the back of his neck for a brief moment before they were tugging his chin up.

For better or worse, Andy was their glue, their shared person, their occasional caretaker, their rock, the uniting factor for everyone in the apartment. They saw things sometimes in a way that other people didn’t, and it was due to these powers of perception that Andy somehow knew what they needed and they quickly pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. Then looked in his eyes, and -  
  
“Joe! No way!”  
  
“Be quiet,” Joe hissed, “he’ll think I’ve collapsed or some shit and come running.” Andy was a bad influence on his language.  
  
“You’re gonna actually do it, though. Stop messing and do it, you know he'll say yes.” Andy took a long swig from their beer, made a face, and dropped the now empty bottle at their feet. “Good for you guys.” They were painfully sincere about this and Joe didn’t really know what to do with that, but he was saved from responding by Nile appearing in front of them.  
  
“Food,” she said. She had matched her lipstick and her nail polish, because Nile was that kind of person.

Nicky appeared at Joe’s elbow and Joe grabbed his forearm to lever himself upright. Quýnh was finishing lighting candles in a new vaguely minimalist wrought iron candelabrum and the table was piled with food. “Food and then gifts,” she said.

Booker was slumped half asleep in his chair. Joe clapped him on the shoulder and startled him awake. Book leapt up and grabbed Joe into one of his patently too tight hugs. Joe hugged him too tightly back. Nicky pulled out the chair next to Booker for Joe, because he was that kind of person, and then rounded the table to sit next to Nile.  
  
“Kids?” Joe asked.  
  
“Coming tomorrow for two weeks,” Booker replied under his breath. “We’re gonna do Christmas in the city, Jean Pierre was too little to remember the last time we did that. You and Nicky should come over later on.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, we will if it’s a…well. A good day.” Good days were always in short supply at the end of the year. The yahrtzeit flickering underneath the candelabrum was a constant reminder of that, searing loss into all their minds with just its presence and light. Nile always left an empty chair at the end of the table during the holiday party, because it was still too soon to pack up and move on and really, December 19 was just a bad day. It was purely bad fortune that their party fell on December 19, the anniversary of Lykon’s death this year, because instead of a gathering filled with just joy it was a mixed bag for many, many reasons.  
  
“That’s a nice candelabrum,” Joe said, in a transparent bid to change the subject.  
  
“I made it,” Andy said from their end of the table. Joe and Booker stared at them. “I’ve been doing some metalworking classes to keep busy.”  
  
“Good for you, boss,” Book finally said, heaping potatoes onto his plate. “Turns out Quýnh isn’t the only creative genius in your relationship.” Quýnh beamed at him.  
  
“You’ll all come to my show on New Year’s Eve?” Quýnh had gotten tired of the concert piano circuit a year ago. She was now playing a bunch of small jazz clubs, alternating between covers and her own pieces. She subbed for pit orchestras sometimes but even that had gotten old for her.   
  
“We’d never miss it,” Nile assured her.  
  
“She’s written some new songs special for this time,” Andy said. Their demeanor changed and softened every time they even so much as looked at Quýnh.  
  
“That’s amazing,” he said, and Quýnh turned the full force of her grin onto him. “I can’t wait to hear them.”  
  
“Mmmhm,” Booker said around a mouthful of food, then let out a mild squeak as someone kicked him under the table.  
  
“So,” Nile said, “what is everyone doing in the new year?” and the conversation took off from there. Nicky stayed pretty quiet, but he volunteered that they were going to Italy, and Nile squeezed his hand twice, and Nicky looked at Joe and the way he looked at him was just -  
  
Yeah. Yeah, Joe was going to do it. Maybe he was going to do it at Quýnh’s New Year’s Eve thing, it wouldn’t have to be big and flashy because Nicky would hate that, but they could find a quiet corner because Quýnh was playing in more intimate lounges these days, and Joe could just wait for the right song and then say something like _Nicky, I love you, I’ve never been as proud of anyone as I am proud of you, maybe someday I’ll get back to writing and every poem I write is going to be about you because how can anyone else in the world inspire me when you exist, when you exist, when you live, and I am the luckiest man alive and you are the most beautiful man alive and I love you, I love you, I love you, you light up the darkest and worst parts of my life and every day is better and more beautiful with you and I want to do this forever, can we do this forever?  
_  
Booker cleared his throat loudly next to him. Andy was grinning at him, because they were somehow clairvoyant and knew what Joe had been thinking. Nicky raised an eyebrow. _Okay?_ Joe nodded, and Nicky’s face smoothed out (although nobody else would have even noticed his worry, so minute were his facial expressions when he was in public) and he turned back to his conversation with Nile, his hands gradually ramping up in tandem with his words.  
  
These parties moved organically, and they all made the decision to do their gift exchange at the table, still surrounded by the dirty plates and the still extensive piles of food. 

(There was always brought too much food. Nile said that it was a requirement so that she didn’t have to cook over the break.)  
  
Joe got some watercolor pencils, and he couldn’t stop himself from running his hands reverently over them, twirling them in his fingers. He’d pulled Nile’s name in the gift exchange, so he had asked another one of the adjuncts about what book she was currently craving and then bought her that one and six random others he saw at the bookstore, because she read faster than anyone he’d ever met. She winked at him when she opened the shoebox he’d put all the books in.  
  
“This is an extra thing for you,” Andy said eventually once their patience had waned, dropping a small box in front of Joe. He opened it carefully, and then -  
  
“Andy.” He dropped the lid of the box onto the table. He was still twirling a pencil in his left hand. “Andy, I can’t accept this.”  
  
“You should have had it years ago,” Andy said. Their tone was steely. Quýnh had tears in her eyes. “He would have wanted you to have it, but I - I couldn’t part with it. Until now.”  
  
Joe pulled the necklace out of the box. He knew this necklace, he’d been there when Lykon had bought it. They’d been at some flea market and Lykon had always had an eye like a magpie for shiny things, he’d honed in on the necklace from four stalls away. Joe had spotted him 20 bucks for it. He couldn’t remember if Lykon ever paid him back, but that was how friendship went sometimes. Lykon had paid for falafel the next two times they went out anyway, they had just racked up similar amounts of debt to each other and called it even.  
  
He put it on, carefully, reverently. “Thank you, Andy,” he said, and they all just sat and let themselves feel for a minute. Nicky had pressed his lips together very tightly. Nile was staring at the candles. Booker dropped his forehead down onto his folded hands. And Joe....he felt his heart beating, and the cold metal around his neck, and he thought about Lykon, and the hole he left, and how it didn’t get better, not really, but it got easier for all of them. Day by day.  
  
“I’ll clear up,” Nicky said, shaking them all out of their trance, and he stood up a little bit too jerkily and began clearing their plates away. Joe pushed himself up to help him, and as they brought the clutter into the kitchen, the conversation resumed.  
  
Nicky was just standing there, his hands white knuckling the sink, staring down at the water as it filled the basin.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Joe asked once they had made their way halfway through the plates in silence. Nicky was washing, Joe was drying and putting things away. They hadn’t lived there in over a year but Nile was predictable - everything was still in the same place, and Joe came over often enough that he stood no chance of forgetting where all of the dishes went.  
  
“I…don’t know.” Nicky scrubbed more ferociously at the plate. Joe hummed to show he’d heard him, drifted his fingers across Nicky’s lower back the next time he passed him in a show of support.  
  
“He was the best of us,” Nicky said eventually.  
  
“Maybe,” Joe said quietly. Lykon had been - well. He was one of the best men Joe had ever known. Joe hadn’t known people could be that selfless. “I think we’re all right, though.”  
  
Nicky huffed out half a laugh. “Two years,” he said finally. “Two years, and I...in times like this, it’s all I want. Just to forget, and nothing helps you do that like...well.”  
  
“Oh, my love,” Joe said quietly. He tossed the dish towel over his shoulder and leaned back against the counter next to Nicky so he could better see his face. “You went to the meeting today?”  
  
“Yeah. But I - you know the story, but you don’t know what it’s like to use, to crave it, and they all get it at meetings, but they don’t know all about the past. The history, and I don’t have time to explain that to them. I just wish the pieces would all fit together.”  
  
“I don’t wish I understood, and I know you don’t wish for that either,” Joe said carefully, “but I want to support you, in every way that I can.” He reached out and caught Nicky’s hand in his own, both of their hands in the basin of soapy water. “Let me know what I can do, if you think of anything.”  
  
Nicky picked their interlaced hands up and kissed the backs of Joe’s knuckles, soapy water and all. “I could not ask for anyone more perfect,” he said quietly, and he had that look in his eyes again, the way he absolutely radiated love at Joe, the way everything in his body released, just a little bit, because all the tension faded away because he felt safe with Joe. Even when they weren’t in their own house. Even when his back was to the door. Even when Nicky was craving a fix, Joe made him feel safe like that. He knew that because Nicky had told him all of these things before, and Joe was so humbled by that, and so awed by Nicky, and so awed by what they had done, together, that really, the words fell out before he could stop them.  
  
“Marry me?”  
  
Nicky blinked at him, a little more quickly than usual, which was the only sign that he’d even registered the words. Joe wasn’t sure when he’d learned how quickly Nicky usually blinked.  
  
“This wasn’t - okay. This wasn’t how I was planning to do this, I was going to ask you at Quýnh’s performance on New Year’s Eve and I was going to have a whole speech ready, but – Nico, I am so in love with you, I am so in awe of you, you make my life so much better and so much brighter and you are just - I can’t wait any longer. I couldn’t. I love you so much, I don’t want to go another day without telling you how amazing you are and how much my life has changed for the better, and how I don’t ever want to stop being with you, I want to do this forever.” Joe half registered with half of his brain that he was just saying everything he thought, that he should probably be embarrassed about that, but - “Nicky, Nico, Nicolò, would you do me the honor? Will you marry me?”  
  
Nicky’s eyes were very wide and very blue, the way that they looked when he was about to cry. “I love you,” he said, kissing the backs of Joe’s knuckles again, “oh god, how I love you.”  
  
“And I you,” Joe said. “I have never loved anyone like I love you. But again, I suppose, how can anyone love like the sun loves the moon?”

“Did I say yes yet?” Nicky said suddenly. “Yes. Yes, of course, yes, yes.”

Joe grabbed him by the shirt collar and hauled him in so he could close the gap between their lips. “I am so happy,” he finally breathed between kisses. “I’ve - nobody is this happy. Nobody is as happy on earth as I am right now. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

“You are so dramatic,” Nicky grumbled, but he was smiling.

There was time to make decisions later. Later, they would decide that they weren’t going to tell their friends just then, and instead Joe would propose again at Quýnh’s New Year’s Eve performance, because he really did want to do a more rehearsed speech and he thought that Nicky would like that too. Nicky insisted he didn’t need it, but Joe also hadn’t told Nicky that he had a ring that he’d hidden in his bottle of Tramadol (really the only thing that goddamned nerve pain was good for, the medication was double locked in a pill case and a safe and Nicky didn’t know the combination to either) and that he could surprise him with that as well, which Nicky would like. They decided on this because they wanted space, privacy, that was just for them, so that they could just sit and enjoy this, because Nicky had to have people that were always checking up on him and privacy was a moot point, and most of Joe’s vulnerabilities were always on display, so to have a secret so big was nice.

But right now, Joe couldn’t stop kissing him, until Nicky poked him insistently enough in the side that Joe winced, and realized then that his back was actually hurting enough that he hopped up to sit on the counter, moving to reel Nicky back in to stand between his legs so he could keep kissing him, but Nicky stopped before Joe could drag him in.

“Look, my love,” he said, “it’s snowing.”

There was just a tiny window over the sink, but Joe looked over and saw that it was.

“That’s lovely,” Joe said quietly, and finally Nicky stopped digging in his heels and grabbed Joe’s face in his hands and really, properly kissed him.

December 19 was always bad and always difficult, but now maybe – Joe hadn’t intended for it to happen like this, but now, maybe, it could start to be a better day.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this, stay tuned! sholeh had indicated their openness to an AU, and what better AU than the one i am writing for the big bang? a continuation in this vein will be coming to you at the end of january/sometime in february. 
> 
> i do my best in terms of research and preparation for my writing, but doing my best also does not necessarily mean that i have done enough in terms of accurate representation. if you find any errors, no matter what size, and decide to use some of your precious emotional time and energy to correct me, i will be a) honored and humbled that you have chosen to do so and b) make the appropriate revisions as quickly as possible.
> 
> as always, my friends, thank you for your continued support and kindness. you have been a blessing for me throughout this hard year, and i hope that the new year is kind to us all.


End file.
